Healthy parenting is never perfect—but it always includes empathy, self-reflection, and the ability to repair relationships when mistakes are made. Unfortunately, parents with narcissistic personality disorder (NPD) lack these vital traits.

If you were raised by a parent with narcissistic personality disorder, you were likely left feeling unseen, unheard, and emotionally neglected. Whether you’re still in contact with your parent or have chosen to distance yourself, the psychological impact of being raised by a narcissistic parent is real—and often long-lasting.

What Is Narcissistic Personality Disorder?

Narcissistic personality disorder is a mental health condition defined by a pattern of grandiosity, a constant need for admiration, and a profound lack of empathy for others. People with NPD often:

• See themselves as superior and entitled

• Dismiss or invalidate the emotions of others

• Use others to serve their own needs

• React with rage, silence, or manipulation when challenged

• Mask insecurity with arrogance or control

• Expect perfection—but rarely offer praise or emotional safety

When these traits show up in parenting, the damage is far-reaching. (And just to note: while NPD can only be diagnosed by a licensed mental health professional, if the patterns described here resonate with your experience, you’re allowed to take them seriously—whether or not your parent has a formal diagnosis.)

Emotional Neglect and Manipulation: The Hallmarks of NPD Parenting

Children of narcissistic parents grow up in homes where their emotional needs are either ignored or weaponized. Without empathy, a narcissistic parent cannot (and often will not) attune to their child’s inner world. Instead, the child is expected to regulate the parent’s emotions, meet their expectations, and reflect back a version of reality that centers the parent’s ego.

This dynamic leads to:

• Emotional neglect

• Guilt and shame-based manipulation

• Confusion over what’s real and what’s not

• A belief that love must be earned or performed

The child quickly learns that approval is conditional. Love is something to be won by staying small, agreeable, and “perfect.” As a result, many adult children of NPD parents become high-functioning perfectionists, people-pleasers, or self-silencers—constantly trying to avoid rejection or disappointment.

When Your Parent Tells You Who You Are, Over and Over

One of the most damaging traits of a narcissistic parent is their need to control your identity.

Children of narcissistic parents often grow up being told who they are, how they should behave, and what emotions are acceptable to have. There is little room to develop an independent sense of self. Any attempts to express individuality—especially if it threatens the narcissistic parent’s control—are often met with criticism, dismissal, or emotional punishment.

As a result, adult children of NPD parents may struggle with:

• Self-doubt and low self-esteem

• Difficulty identifying their own values, needs, or preferences

• Chronic anxiety and fear of failure

• Staying in toxic relationships far too long

• A deeply internalized belief that love must be earned by being “good enough”

NPD Parents Love You When You’re Perfect—Except When They Don’t

Perfection is often the unspoken requirement in a narcissistic family system. And yet, no matter how hard you try, it’s never quite enough.

NPD parents are quick to show disappointment and slow to offer genuine praise. They may show you affection when you achieve something that benefits their image—but withdraw it just as easily when you fall short. This cycle creates a powerful (and damaging) belief that your worth is tied to your performance.

You may have grown up thinking:

• Love needs to be earned

• Your failures are a catastrophe that must be avoided at all costs

• You have to overachieve to gain respect or safety

• Your needs don’t matter unless someone else approves of them

This is how so many adult children of narcissistic parents end up in high-pressure jobs, unhealthy relationships, or patterns of chronic self-abandonment—always trying to prove they’re worthy of love.

Beginning Your Healing Process

Breaking the cycle of narcissistic family dynamics is hard work—but it’s work that changes everything.

The first step is recognizing the emotional manipulation, neglect, and unrealistic expectations you were subjected to. Therapy can help you validate your experience, reconnect with your own identity, and begin to grieve the parent you needed but never had.

In therapy, we’ll work together to:

• Set boundaries that protect your peace—even if they’re not respected

• Reduce guilt and shame around prioritizing your own needs

• Rebuild your sense of self and strengthen your confidence

• Learn how to tolerate and respond to emotional backlash

• Develop healthy communication skills for work and personal relationships

• Stop repeating patterns rooted in childhood conditioning

This Is the Work I’m Most Passionate About

I specialize in working with the adult children of parents with narcissistic personality disorder and borderline personality disorder because I know how deeply these relationships impact every area of your life. I also grew up with a parent with an unmanaged personality disorder and understand the confusion, the stress, and the self-gaslighting that comes from these relationships.

You’re not too sensitive. You’re not overreacting. And you’re definitely not alone.

If you’re ready to make sense of the chaos you grew up in—and start building the life and relationships you deserve—I’d love to help.